Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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