I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
