ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
