i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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