I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
