just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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