soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
