I wish I could teleport
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
