I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
