This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
