i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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