I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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