Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
