I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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