Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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