I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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