I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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