he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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