I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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