Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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