if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
