I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
