he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
