Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
