Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
