I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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