Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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