I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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