She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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