He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
