haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
