now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
