The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
