I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
