dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
