a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
