just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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