apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
