How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
