worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
