it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
