I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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