I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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