You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
