you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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