i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
