I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
