Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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