she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
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