Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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