You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
