i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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