you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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