I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
