he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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