I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
