So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
