Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
