I love black thongs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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