I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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