apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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