I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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