I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
