Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
