Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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