nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
