Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
