oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
