ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
