evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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