You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
