I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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