i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
