It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
