Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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