I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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