I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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